Jody's Garage - Ridiculous Lawsuits

DETROIT Jan 6, 2005 — The sign on the toilet brush says it best: "Do not use for personal hygiene."

That admonition was the winner of an anti-lawsuit group's contest for the wackiest consumer warning label of the year.

The sponsor, Michigan Lawsuit Abuse Watch, says the goal is "to reveal how lawsuits, and concern about lawsuits, have created a need for common sense warnings on products."

The $500 first prize went to Ed Gyetvai, of Oldcastle, Ontario, who submitted the toilet-brush label. A $250 second prize went to Matt Johnson, of Naperville, Ill., for a label on a children's scooter that said, "This product moves when used."

A $100 third prize went to Ann Marie Taylor, of Camden, S.C., who submitted a warning from a digital thermometer that said, "Once used rectally, the thermometer should not be used orally."

This year's contest coincides with a drive by President Bush and congressional Republicans to put caps and other limits on jury awards in liability cases.

"Warning labels are a sign of our lawsuit-plagued times," said group President Robert Dorigo Jones. "From the moment we raise our head in the morning off pillows that bear those famous Do Not Remove warnings, to when we drop back in bed at night, we are overwhelmed with warnings."

The leader of a group that opposes the campaign to limit lawsuits admits that while some warning labels may seem stupid, even dumb warnings can do good.

"There are many cases of warning labels saving lives," said Joanne Doroshow, executive director of the Center for Justice and Democracy in New York. "It's much better to be very cautious … than to be afraid of being made fun of by a tort reform group."

Cable TV made a West Bend man addicted to TV, caused his wife to be overweight and his kids to be lazy, he says.

Timothy Dumouchel of West Bend wants $5,000 or three computers, and a lifetime supply of free Internet service from Charter Communications to settle what he says will be a small claims suit.

Dumouchel blames Charter for his TV addiction, his wife’s 50-pound weight gain and his children’s being “lazy channel surfers,” according to a Fond du Lac police report.

“I believe that the reason I smoke and drink every day and my wife is overweight is because we watched TV every day for the last four years,” Dumouchel stated in a written complaint against the company, included in a Fond du Lac police report.

A Mt. Pleasant Township couple wants Wal-Mart to pay for foot and toe injuries they claim were caused by canned goods and condiments that tumbled from an overfilled plastic grocery bag.

According to a two-count civil lawsuit filed Wednesday in Westmoreland County, Brenda and Ronald Sager contend a plastic bag they brought home from the East Huntingdon Township store last month was deficient and overstuffed.

The bag, which contained a 32-ounce jar of Miracle Whip, a 46-ounce bottle of ketchup, three 15-ounce cans of fruit, an 18-ounce bottle of ranch dressing and a 12-ounce bottle of mustard, broke open when the Sagers returned home and started to put away their groceries.

That's when the handle tore and the bottom of the bag broke, the Sagers claim.

A Charlotte, NC, lawyer purchased a box of very rare and expensive cigars, and then insured them against fire among other things. Within a month having smoked his entire stockpile of these great cigars and without yet having made even his first premium payment on the policy, the lawyer filed claim against the insurance company.

In his claim, the lawyer stated the cigars were lost "in a series of small fires." The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason that the man had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion.

The lawyer sued....and won! In delivering the ruling the judge agreed with the insurance company that the claim was frivolous. The Judge stated nevertheless, that the lawyer held a policy from the company in which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable and also guaranteed that it would insure them against fire, without defining what is considered to be unacceptable fire," and was obligated to pay the claim.

Rather than endure lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance company accepted the ruling and paid $15,000.00 to the lawyer for his loss of the rare cigars lost in the "fires."

NOW FOR THE BEST PART... After the lawyer cashed the check,the insurance company had him arrested on 24 counts of ARSON!!!! With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case being used against him, the lawyer was convicted of intentionally burning his insured property and was sentenced to 24 months in jail and a $24,000.00 fine.

This is a true story and was the 1st place winner in the recent Criminal Lawyers Award Contest.

It's time once again to consider the candidates for
the annual Stella Awards. The Stella's are named after 81-year-old
Stella Liebeck who spilled coffee on herself and successfully sued
McDonalds. That case inspired the Stella Awards for the most frivolous successful lawsuits in the United States. The following are this year's 7 candidates:


    1. Kathleen Robertson of Austin, Texas, was awarded
    $780,000 by a jury of her peers after breaking her
    ankle tripping over a toddler who was running inside a
    furniture store. The owners of the store were
    understandably surprised at the verdict, considering
    the misbehaving little toddler was Ms. Robertson's
    son.

    2. A 19-year-old Carl Truman of Los Angeles won
    $74,000 and medical expenses when his neighbor ran
    over his hand with a Honda Accord. Mr. Truman
    apparently didn't notice there was someone at the
    wheel of the car when he was trying to steal his
    neighbor's hub caps.

    3. Terrence Dickson of Bristol, Pennsylvania, was
    leaving a house he had just finished robbing by way of
    the garage. He was not able to get the garage door to
    go up since the automatic door opener was
    malfunctioning. He couldn't re-enter the house because
    the door connecting the house and garage locked when
    he pulled it shut. The family was on vacation, and Mr.
    Dickson found himself locked in the garage for eight
    days. He subsisted on a case of Pepsi he found, and a
    large bag of dry dog food. He sued the homeowner's
    insurance claiming the situation caused him undue
    mental anguish. The jury agreed to the tune of
    $500,000.

    4. Jerry Williams of Little Rock, Arkansas, was
    awarded $14,500 and medical expenses after being
    bitten on the buttocks by his next door neighbor's
    beagle. The beagle was on a chain in its owner's
    fenced yard. The award was less than sought because
    the jury felt the dog might have been just a little
    provoked at the time by Mr. Williams who was shooting
    it repeatedly with a pellet gun.

    5. A Philadelphia restaurant was ordered to pay Amber
    Carson of Lancaster, Pennsylvania, $113,500 after she
    slipped on a soft drink and broke her coccyx
    (tailbone). The beverage was on the floor because Ms.
    Carson had thrown it at her boyfriend 30 seconds
    earlier during an argument.

    6. Kara Walton of Claymont, Delaware, successfully
    sued the owner of a night club in a neighboring city
    when she fell from the bathroom window to the floor
    and knocked out her two front teeth. This occurred
    while Ms. Walton was trying to sneak out without
    paying her check, awarded $12,000 and dental expenses.

    7. This year's favorite could easily be Mr. Merv
    Grazinski of Oklahoma City, Oklahoma. Mr. Grazinski
    purchased a brand new 32-foot Winnebago motor home. On
    his first trip home, having driven onto the freeway,
    he set the cruise control at 70 mph and calmly left
    the drivers seat to go into the back and make himself
    a cup of coffee. Not surprisingly, the R.V. left the
    road. The owner's manual did not say that he couldn't
    actually do this. The jury awarded him $1,750,000 plus
    a new motor home. The company actually changed their
    manuals on the basis of this suit, just in case there
    were any other complete morons buying their recreation
    vehicles.

Law Court Transcripts
These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.

Q: Are you sexually active?
A: No, I just lie there.
__________________________________
Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July 15
Q: What year?
A: Every year.
______________________________________
Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
______________________________________
Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget? Can you give us an example of something that you have forgotten?
_____________________________________
Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.
_____________________________________
Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.
______________________________________
Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo
or the occult?
A: We both do.
Q: Voodoo?
A: We do.
Q: You do?
A: Yes, voodoo.
______________________________________
Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his
sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
A: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
___________________________________
Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
_____________________________________
Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?
______________________________________
Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?
______________________________________
Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?
______________________________________
Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
______________________________________
Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female?
______________________________________
Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition
notice which I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________
Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
______________________________________
Q: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
A: Oral.
______________________________________
Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an
autopsy.
______________________________________
Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
______________________________________
Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a
pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you
began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.